The People's Exhibit A (davidology) wrote,
The People's Exhibit A
davidology

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Those wacky Catholics

So I go to ask my coworker if she wants to get Chinese food with me.

"No, I'm not eating meat today," she replied.

"Just today?" I asked puzzled.

"It's Ash Wednesday."

Ahhhh... One thing I never understood (one thing?) is why is fish okay? "It's a sacrifice." OK, so Jesus dies for your sins (although he was born before you, but work with me here), and you eat fillet o' fish sandwiches from McD's a few days a year, and you guys are cool now? Works for me.

"So if I take a bullet for you, will you eat taquitos on every Tuesday in June?"

"It's supposed to be cleansing." Have you seen what fish swim in? My thoughts are if you want cleansing, try a coffee enema. If you really want to punish yourself, I think that might be a better one than eating the fillet o' fish at McDonald's. Or once, I drank this detox tea (totally different reason, but that's another story), that was pretty cleansing (hey, I passed).

And then of course there's the whole ashes thing. You wear ashes on your forehead to remind you that Christ was crucified and bled to death. Wow. Talk about your buzz kill. I think if they maybe had the ashes in different colors that you could perhaps color coordinate to your outfit.. Or better yet, how about "mood" ashes that changed colors depending on your body temperature or mood. Make it a little more festive. Why's everything in Catholicism have to be all depressing and guilt provoking? Have fun. Live a little. Eat a Big Mac!

Now I know you may be thinking, "David, you should be more tolerant of other people's religions." Eh.. I mean silly's, silly. Plus, I had to do this stuff as a kid. And every time I'd point out how something didn't make sense in the dogma I was being fed, I'd get stern looks from the sistahs as if I'd kicked their dogs. Now that I'm all "growed up" (arguable, I'm sure), having quit this cult so long ago, I have my own little blog and website, and I get to utter the statements dared not utterest lest ye be struck down with lightning. Besides, people get way too worked up over these sorts of things because they're not really defensible. Do people get so upset if someone comes in claiming the sky is green? No, you'd roll your eyes and move on with your life. People maim and kill over these things because they're held together by weak arguments that make no sense! If God is as vengeful as some claim him to be, and insists everyone put ashes on his forehead and eat fillet-o-fishes on Fridays, lest they be damned to Hell, then why don't those so inclined give a quick "OOO.. you're going to Hell" to the person who dares think differently, and move on with their lives! Simple, huh?

Now leave me to my Beef & Broccoli!
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