I have managed to break my toe packing... seriously. Evidentally I did more than just stub it on the suitcase because it's gone from a nice shade of light gray mixed with a light magenta and only slightly swollen... to a dark shade of black with a giant knot the size of a rabbit turd (I know this because my friend Victoria has a cute little bunny named "William" in her fashionable mid-Wilshire abode).
Traffic at LAX was surprisingly light. The line at security was short also.. Of course I was behind the elderly couple who evidentally hadn't heard of 9/11 and heightened security because the asshats decided to bring everything they owned as carry on...makes you wonder if it's the first time they've been on a plane.
I made my way to the lounge for a drink and to try to get better seats. Unfortunately the lady at the lounge informed me that my flight was completely full so I couldn't be relocated to bulkhead. what a pisser. The bartender must have been Miss Cleo because I only asked for one beer, yet before I'd finish one, she'd have another opened for me. I think she was trying to get me drunk. It worked. 4 beers later. She's obviously a pro at this as I slept through much of the flight to Houston. I owe her.
People from Houston really like cowboy hats and those long mustaches that come to a point using some sort of glue I'm guessing. I thought that was only in the cartoons... some of them tawlk funny too... and they talk too much. One guy, actually pretty goddamn hot, was seated in the aisle with me. The idle chitchat was interesting for all of 5 minutes.. then I really wanted to just listen to my mp3s and play my gameboy between sleep attempts. I miss l.a. already.
Lunch on the plane was a bbq beef sandwich, which evidentally was to be prepared scalding hot. I burned the roof of my mouth.
After landing in Houston there wasn't much time to catch my connection as we were delayed landing. Took a quick piss at the lounge again and limped to my gate.
I boarded the plane to find someone in the aisle seat I'd requested two months prior. I've been in a plane and airport for 4 and half hours now. I've had one hour's worth of sleep, and I'm cranky. Why can't people just fess up and say, "oh I wasn't sure someone was sitting here" as opposed to same old tired deer caught in headlights routine they do every single time: "oh my ticket says 10E." Yes.. and you're in "D", asshat. It's pretty simple. There are pictures by little numbers and letters. I could buy that you might get the window mixed up from the aisle, but you're sitting bitch. It's clearly sandwiched between "D" and "F". Either you're too stupid to find a seat in an airplane or you think I'm too stupid to buy your innocent routine. As a result, I have to go through the "No, this is seat D" as we both waste our time pulling out our boarding passes whilest the line builds up behind me. What a pointless exercise when all you had to do was say "Oh, sorry. I thought this seat might be open." Perhaps your boarding pass should have read: Follow the yellow brick road, find the tin man, get brain.
I do like the added foot space of exit row seating. It sometimes can make up for the lack of reclining ability (course it's not the nirvana of bulkhead, but I digress) Unfortunately I was assigned to the row in front of exit row.. the row they never really tell you about when you make your reservation. In case you've never had the pleasure: this row doesn't have the feature of added legroom, but it does have one thing in common with exit row... it doesn't recline. but not to worry, the seats in front of you do... all the way back. I sat with the sweaty man in front of me in my lap. This would be the longest hour of my sojourn.
I managed to limp my way to baggage claim and get out of the airport safely despite the pounding headache caused by my neck being contorted in a vain attempt to sleep on the last leg of the flight.
Upon plugging in the laptop I'd so painstakenly prepped for the journey, I was greeted by "Internal modem error 0x12398903192380x239901283^02" on booting the computer. Funny that wasn't there hours before when it booted fine. First order of business tomorrow: buy modem.
Which brings me to dial up. Wow... it really sucks. This must have been how the pilgrims used the Internet. I've already been disconnected twice, and I wasn't about to try to download the attachments a couple friends emailed today me.
I can only hope that the bois at the local clubs are as friendly and naked as they were last time.
As for now, I'm going to take an Ambien... no sleep makes me cranky. it's off to Dream Land.
Ho, ho, huh huh...