The People's Exhibit A (davidology) wrote,
The People's Exhibit A
davidology
  • Mood: contemplative
  • Music: Lene Marlin - Playing My Game

Adaptive or Destructive

I've noticed something about myself that perhaps sends out the wrong signals. When I find someone interesting (especially someone "new"), I of course show interest in my way (that is to say probably very subtlely being my characteristically overly emotive self). But the moment others start to show interest in the same person, the moment I feel as if it's some sort of race or the person might be getting overwhelmed with the attention oft bestowed on the n00bs, I'm done. I withdraw from the race. If you're interested in me, you're interested in me. I won't chase.

I've wasted too much energy on those who just end up caught up in the high school-esque scene. But maybe in the process, I'm sending the signal I've lost interest. I've not, but I have an irrational fear of being confused as one of someone's admirers. Relationships — be they friendship or otherwise — are by definition two-way. Otherwise, it's just worship, and the only person I'm going ga ga over is Cher. So unless you can belt out a healthy rendition of "Believe" and look flawless at 150, you'd better expect to give me something to go on.

Thing is I've been on both sides of this. I've been on side where you don't initiate IMs or calls, they just come. You stay busy, and it feels good great. But those people don't stick around, because, eventually, everyone grows tired of being the sole initiator in a one-way infatuation with yourself. With some, I've also felt like the one who always seems to initiate the IMs and calls. It doesn't feel so good, and I have little tolerance for it. Of course I need to look at my own behavior, otherwise, in complaining about this, I'm the biggest hypocrite.
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