Oct. 19th, 2003
Adaptive or Destructive  
I've noticed something about myself that perhaps sends out the wrong signals. When I find someone interesting (especially someone "new"), I of course show interest in my way (that is to say probably very subtlely being my characteristically overly emotive self). But the moment others start to show interest in the same person, the moment I feel as if it's some sort of race or the person might be getting overwhelmed with the attention oft bestowed on the n00bs, I'm done. I withdraw from the race. If you're interested in me, you're interested in me. I won't chase.

I've wasted too much energy on those who just end up caught up in the high school-esque scene. But maybe in the process, I'm sending the signal I've lost interest. I've not, but I have an irrational fear of being confused as one of someone's admirers. Relationships — be they friendship or otherwise — are by definition two-way. Otherwise, it's just worship, and the only person I'm going ga ga over is Cher. So unless you can belt out a healthy rendition of "Believe" and look flawless at 150, you'd better expect to give me something to go on.

Thing is I've been on both sides of this. I've been on side where you don't initiate IMs or calls, they just come. You stay busy, and it feels good great. But those people don't stick around, because, eventually, everyone grows tired of being the sole initiator in a one-way infatuation with yourself. With some, I've also felt like the one who always seems to initiate the IMs and calls. It doesn't feel so good, and I have little tolerance for it. Of course I need to look at my own behavior, otherwise, in complaining about this, I'm the biggest hypocrite.
Mood: contemplative
Listening to: Lene Marlin - Playing My Game
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nx01deevolution on October 19th, 2003 - 02:27 pm
David, you're the tops.

Believe me, Mr. 5%.
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The People's Exhibit A: davidology by pauldavidology on October 19th, 2003 - 08:14 pm
Thanks :)

Your call made my day.
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All About Me: Let's goallaboutnumber2 on October 19th, 2003 - 02:29 pm
::The USS Sluty McRubdown pulls up outside your window::

::If I turn back time plays:: while hundreds of half naked sailors and one net nylon dressed Cher parade around and dance in unison ;)

enjoy :)

**this message was brought to you be Share:: "Take care Share a Cher Today" :)**

::and Believe plays:: :P
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on October 19th, 2003 - 08:15 pm
Re: ::The USS Sluty McRubdown pulls up outside your window::
aww thanks... she's fabu.
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ShuggaRay: happydoppelgang18 on October 19th, 2003 - 03:12 pm
This was a very interesting entry... rarely do I read anything of interest, heh. It's always helpful, I suppose, to be on both sides of the spectrum. On one side, you are the object of someone's temporary infatuation, and the other, you are the one making the effort. I guess you just have to learn to be comfortable with yourself and the things that you do - after that, stuff like this won't seem so important.

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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on October 19th, 2003 - 08:22 pm
It's interesting. I've played this game for quite a few years, and it's not until recently it's begun not to be enough. It just seems as if on any given evening, we may be hanging out with a half dozen to dozen friends, and there are so many of us that everyone is largely replaceable. At some level that's amazingly efficient, and I guess the "Vulcan"-empathizing part of me approves, but sometimes it's not enough.

I dunno. I just think about these things sometimes. I should just have a drink and shut up.
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ShuggaRaydoppelgang18 on October 19th, 2003 - 08:30 pm
I hear ya. I haven't been "in" all this too long, but it's weird to realize how weak everyone's connection is. Yet, like anywhere else, you need to stick with the very, very few who matter. The crowd is a lot of fun - no question about it - but for me, I need to make sure some of these people will be there in the end.

But enough of this, heh. Alcohol can solve any problem. =)
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The People's Exhibit A: calvin-deviousdavidology on October 19th, 2003 - 08:33 pm
yea.. this wasn't the "family" I was promised with my welcome kit and free toaster. =)
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ShuggaRaydoppelgang18 on October 19th, 2003 - 08:51 pm
haha, yeah i think i need a few more free gifts-with-purchase to make it worthwhile!
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