The People's Exhibit A (davidology) wrote,
The People's Exhibit A

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Happy Single Awareness Day!

So that dark, dark day is yet upon us again: St. Valentine's Day. Or as the rest of us call it, Single Awareness Day. At first the flowers pouring into the office are cute, but slowly their deliveries become almost nauseating! I'm reminded of my performance at Ultra Suede nary a Valentine's Day or two ago.

The club was nicely decorated in red with cute red heart-shaped balloons dropped onto the dancing crowd. Everyone gayly tossed them to one another, frolicking about like a bunch of lithium overdosed Care Bears. Invariably one of these demonic creatures would float over to me. I caught the offending heart-shaped beast and held it firmly to my chest. Then grabbing my keys as one might a knife to commit hari kari. I violently (and therapeutically) impaled the heart-shaped reminder of loves past. I systematically destroyed at least a dozen of them. My friends tried in vain to keep them away from me. But eventually one would float to me. BWAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA < evil laugh >

Even when you do have a beau on this holiday, it's nothing but stress. Have you done everything right? What if you forgot something? What if he gets pissed? What if you don't have a gift yet? And Heaven help you if you didn't make a reservation on time! All-in-all, this is one holiday that can be destroyed!! (Unless of course you want to give us the day off.. in which case, I'll gladly celebrate!)

Ahh yes... That felt good... and with that, I bid you a very Happy Valentine's Day to go eat your cute little candy hearts out! =)

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