The People's Exhibit A (davidology) wrote,
The People's Exhibit A

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Hyper driving?! Where's the HYPER?

I like the environment. I try to do my part. I put under 10,000 miles on my car a year. I don't drive an SUV. I pretty much will vote for anything that will require car manufacturers and the general public to make/buy more fuel efficient cars. I think it's in our best interest as a country. I know I could do more, and I totally respect and admire those who do, but....

I think I just encountered what must be the most annoying, asinine concept the environmental movement has ever come up with.

I was in a left turning lane behind two cars on Wilshire—one of the extremely rare intersections in Los Angeles with a protected left turning arrow. The light turns green, first car goes. Then we're in slow motion. At first I think the driver didn't notice the green arrow. I'm about to give him and his hybrid Civic a little reminder beep, but he starts to move. Then I notice he's crawling unbelievably slowly.

I'm a little stunned. I'm thinking, "Is he doing this on purpose to make me catch the light? And why would he do this?" He had like 20 anti-war bumper stickers on the back of his car, which, hey, I'm all for. But, honestly, if you can't get your message across in one or two bumper stickers, you should probably just give it a rest, because now you look like you own 10 cats that you make hemp necklaces for while reminiscing about your days at Woodstock.

He makes me catch the light. I'm stunned. You do NOT do things to impede traffic in Los Angeles... EVAR. It's a cardinal sin. We don't even believe in leaving space between our cars while driving unless it's raining (and then we're gripping the steering wheel afraid to move screaming "OMG I'M GOING TO DIE!" (or maybe that's just me)).

Then my coworker notices he's still just crawling along on the street he just turned on. "Have you heard of hyper driving?" He asks. "It's when you don't use the gas on your hybrid. You just accelerate at idling speed so that you can get over 100 mpg without concerning yourself with the extra gas everyone else is burning by the congestion you're creating."

Now, mind you, he's not idling to the next red light or STOP sign, he's turning from Wilshire onto Bundy—a fairly major north-south street in West L.A. where people frequently go 45-55 mph.

Smug alert!

I must admit. I'd never heard of this asshattery until today.

I can't believe anyone in Southern California would think that this is actually a good idea?!? The only way you're going to save gas is when someone shoots your dumb ass for doing that on the freeway!

I was so annoyed that he thought it was okay to inflict this stupidity on everyone else on the road in an already ridiculously congested city. I pulled up along side him (which was easy considering he was moving slower than Kirstie Alley at the craft services table). I dropped my car into neutral and went open throttle for several seconds, just to make sure he knows I just negated any positive impact his little act of douchebaggery had.

Not proud of that, but, fuck you! You're an asshole if you think you have some right to inconvenience everyone else. Stand out in front of Whole Foods and get signatures to get a proposition on the ballot like everyone else to change the law. I'll even fucking sign it and vote for it. But don't be a fucking tool! I hate you! *stab stab stab*

Tags: die, traffic

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