Oct. 10th, 2007
Hyper driving?! Where's the HYPER?  
I like the environment. I try to do my part. I put under 10,000 miles on my car a year. I don't drive an SUV. I pretty much will vote for anything that will require car manufacturers and the general public to make/buy more fuel efficient cars. I think it's in our best interest as a country. I know I could do more, and I totally respect and admire those who do, but....

I think I just encountered what must be the most annoying, asinine concept the environmental movement has ever come up with.

I was in a left turning lane behind two cars on Wilshire—one of the extremely rare intersections in Los Angeles with a protected left turning arrow. The light turns green, first car goes. Then we're in slow motion. At first I think the driver didn't notice the green arrow. I'm about to give him and his hybrid Civic a little reminder beep, but he starts to move. Then I notice he's crawling unbelievably slowly.

I'm a little stunned. I'm thinking, "Is he doing this on purpose to make me catch the light? And why would he do this?" He had like 20 anti-war bumper stickers on the back of his car, which, hey, I'm all for. But, honestly, if you can't get your message across in one or two bumper stickers, you should probably just give it a rest, because now you look like you own 10 cats that you make hemp necklaces for while reminiscing about your days at Woodstock.

He makes me catch the light. I'm stunned. You do NOT do things to impede traffic in Los Angeles... EVAR. It's a cardinal sin. We don't even believe in leaving space between our cars while driving unless it's raining (and then we're gripping the steering wheel afraid to move screaming "OMG I'M GOING TO DIE!" (or maybe that's just me)).

Then my coworker notices he's still just crawling along on the street he just turned on. "Have you heard of hyper driving?" He asks. "It's when you don't use the gas on your hybrid. You just accelerate at idling speed so that you can get over 100 mpg without concerning yourself with the extra gas everyone else is burning by the congestion you're creating."

Now, mind you, he's not idling to the next red light or STOP sign, he's turning from Wilshire onto Bundy—a fairly major north-south street in West L.A. where people frequently go 45-55 mph.

Smug alert!

I must admit. I'd never heard of this asshattery until today.

I can't believe anyone in Southern California would think that this is actually a good idea?!? The only way you're going to save gas is when someone shoots your dumb ass for doing that on the freeway!

I was so annoyed that he thought it was okay to inflict this stupidity on everyone else on the road in an already ridiculously congested city. I pulled up along side him (which was easy considering he was moving slower than Kirstie Alley at the craft services table). I dropped my car into neutral and went open throttle for several seconds, just to make sure he knows I just negated any positive impact his little act of douchebaggery had.

Not proud of that, but, fuck you! You're an asshole if you think you have some right to inconvenience everyone else. Stand out in front of Whole Foods and get signatures to get a proposition on the ballot like everyone else to change the law. I'll even fucking sign it and vote for it. But don't be a fucking tool! I hate you! *stab stab stab*

Tags: ,
Mood: stabby
Listening to: Taking Back Sunday - Slowdance on the Inside
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autosportscrew on October 10th, 2007 - 10:27 pm
people who drive slow can shampoo my crotch.
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Davidthisisdavid on October 10th, 2007 - 10:37 pm
OMG, this is funny!
What a fucktard this guy is!!!
I would be super pissed off.
I'm surprised he hasn't been shot yet!
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hUcKiE: Carshuckie on October 10th, 2007 - 10:49 pm
I think stabby stab is totally justified.
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(no subject) - andrewshead on October 11th, 2007 - 12:07 am
mark or marky: spikey means hornymarkormarky on October 11th, 2007 - 01:50 am
excellent! thank you. kill him.
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(no subject) - soundofthemoon on October 11th, 2007 - 12:50 am
Markmahka42 on October 11th, 2007 - 12:57 am
impede..a LEFT TURN...a PROTECTED LEFT?! Wilshire/Bundy?! Even I would kill the motherfucker.

of course, that's also how i feel every time I drive in Atlanta. It seems that nobody ever cheats beyond the line while waiting for a left. Which means one car per green.
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Nathan: pic#65988583myspecimendays on October 11th, 2007 - 01:17 am
Hey, I stumbled across your journal and wondered if I could add you to my friends list.

So, has smug replaced the smog in LA yet?
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on October 11th, 2007 - 02:37 am
of course :-P
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mark or marky: spikey means hornymarkormarky on October 11th, 2007 - 01:51 am
the angels of LA are crying......
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sisyphus238: Portlandsisyphus238 on October 11th, 2007 - 02:13 am
Portland is known for its courteous drivers and, while we have our share of stupid ones as well, if anyone pulled a stunt like that here methinks the reputation would go out the window. That's outrageous anywhere but more especially there where the driving conditions are notorious. I'm surprised that driver made it home, if in fact he/she did.
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james__sndchasr on October 11th, 2007 - 02:45 am
Where is OJ when you need him?

Sounds like he is driving so slow, you could walk up to him, drag him out and beat him
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reverend_cary32 on October 11th, 2007 - 02:54 am
Don't know what I just read, but I love the icon...semi-nakedness....hehehehe...
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Ian Cochranelankyguy on October 11th, 2007 - 03:00 am
*dies laughing*

Hyper-driving? Stupidest damn thing I ever heard of.
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Musikermusiker on October 11th, 2007 - 04:17 am
Hyperdriving?? JUST FUCKING WALK!!! If you're moving that slowly, you have no reason to be on asphalt.

Meanwhile, where's the ACLU when we need them? How could they let this sort of mockery of the handicapped continue? Those poor wheelchair-stricken people are bound to roll around at a snail's pace for their whole lives. It's not right that otherwise capable people are doing the same thing, especially in their cars. Someone should file suit against these assholes!
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cutenyeboicutenyeboi on October 11th, 2007 - 04:21 am
you didn't just lay on the horn??? that seems to be the way people do things here. or illegaly go around them finger out the whole time. that seems to be the other option.
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danthmanes on October 11th, 2007 - 07:54 am
I've noticed that in NYC, people seem to only use their horn when they're stuck in gridlock. You can run someone completely off the road into a concrete embankment. No horn. But if you have the gall to just sit there when cars are trapping you on all sides, you're suddenly public enemy number one.
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cutenyeboicutenyeboi on October 11th, 2007 - 05:45 pm
I don't see many people honk in traffic just because it exists it seems to be more of a focused "Hey Idiot" response.
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(no subject) - soundofthemoon on October 11th, 2007 - 06:00 am
danthmanes on October 11th, 2007 - 08:12 am
If this spaz wants to *really* get some good mileage, he should try something like this :)
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cutenyeboicutenyeboi on October 11th, 2007 - 08:05 pm

It might tickle your funny bone. (SFW)
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eviltickles on October 12th, 2007 - 02:27 am
the hybrid civic has a really low horsepower. maybe the 20 anti-war stickers made it too heavy to accelerate?
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Caseycaseyle82 on October 12th, 2007 - 06:29 pm
LoL...asshattery and douchebaggery are awesome words!
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Kyleraptorboy on October 16th, 2007 - 05:02 am
Reason #243 why I don't like hippies. Then why do I live in Venice? Crap, I knew I picked the wrong neighborhood.

Seriously though, I think that would cause road rage from anyone. He'll eventually have someone get pissed enough to hurt him, and then he'll get a Darwin award and the internet will laugh.
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