Feb. 16th, 2006
Adobe Acrobat, I hate you.  
Dear Adobe Acrobat,

I hate you.

No, really. I hate you, and I never want to see you again. We're in a fight.

You see, it's bad enough that your software is woefully bloated and takes 5 hours to load the gajillion extensions you have it set to do. It's bad enough that just to view a 1-page document, my browser has to hang while your shitty software starts up. But on top of that, every time I go to view a PDF, I get some upgrade notice. Now, it would be one thing if this were actually an update.... but it isn't! It's a complete reinstall of your effing software! Have you ever heard of a patch, you sadistic fuckheads?!

To add insult to injury, every time I install—sorry, I mean "update"—my software you install 53 icons all over my hard drive and desktop, embed yourself in every @!#(*$%* application I have, and install 12 programs to load every time I start my computer! And.... And.... as if that weren't enough, just for shits and giggles I guess, you, for some unholy reason, find it necessary to reset my Internet Explorer toolbar to the default settings. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I spent 10 minutes deleting buttons and moving things so that I had everything on one row because I liked it that way?!?


Now, after finally giving in last week and installing your crappy bloatware "update," I went around and cleaned up your mess. I deleted your stupid shortcut icons, disabled your umpteen toolbars, edited my registry to stop your poorly written crapware from starting all your unnecessary TSRs. I played along. I installed your update that you insisted was so effing important. I spent the 10 minutes getting my toolbar back the way I like it. I thought for once maybe that would be it. Maybe in version 7 you'd learned something. I think it's over.

But is it over?

Oh no! It's ONE week later. ONE FUCKING WEEK LATER. ONE WEEK! I innocently choose to view a PDF, and you pop up that I need to install version ANOTHER GODDAMN UPDATE NOTICE?!??!??!11?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YOU FUCKING LYING PIECE OF SHIT! All I wanted to do was read one lousy page. How did your crappy PDF format become the defacto internet standard, and why hasn't anyone dismantled your offices and sold the pieces for kindling?!??




P.S. Don't bother coming back to pick up your stuff. I'm burning it all.

Tags: , ,
Mood: annoyed
Listening to: Mike Park - Asian Prodigy
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( Post a new comment )
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2006 - 12:35 am
The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 17th, 2006 - 01:16 am
it won't die!
acrobat == the undead
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)
(no subject) - joiseyguy on February 17th, 2006 - 12:35 am
Troy D.: Pointamnewsboy on February 17th, 2006 - 01:00 am
Oh... my... this is the most awesome program ever created.

Bless you.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)
(no subject) - davidology on February 17th, 2006 - 01:10 am
(no subject) - davidology on February 17th, 2006 - 01:07 am
(no subject) - sublimevisions on February 17th, 2006 - 01:50 am
Milambermilamberrex on February 17th, 2006 - 12:38 am
*ROTFLMAO* so true.
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
☆★-David-★☆almosthuman on February 17th, 2006 - 12:44 am

very, cute.

(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
Zero-Zero-One-Zero Encoded: WHERE ARE THE FRESH LULZsalacious_pop on February 17th, 2006 - 12:53 am
We hate it when you sugar coat, David.
OMG love you. You win the internets this month.

"There is a special place in hell, down the hall from Hitler, for Real Player*."

(* and also Adobe Acrobat)
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 17th, 2006 - 03:18 am
Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David.
oh i hate realplayer too. AND quicktime. I delete the qttask out of startup, and as soon as it runs, it adds it back.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)
(no subject) - tongsinanpei on February 17th, 2006 - 08:19 pm
Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David. - gypsy1526 on February 22nd, 2006 - 07:34 pm
Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David. - iwill on May 7th, 2006 - 01:45 pm
Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David. - iwill on May 8th, 2006 - 09:26 pm
Troy D.: Wallaceamnewsboy on February 17th, 2006 - 12:54 am
The %^&*^!(!*^%(&!^ing program won't even start at all on the Windows PC. If I want to view a PDF, I have to open up the laptop.

Brilliant design there.
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
KuteLuvrkuteluvr on February 17th, 2006 - 01:11 am
*sigh* Why couldn't I read this BEFORE I accepted the updater-that-wouldn't-die?
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
erikelo_sf on February 17th, 2006 - 01:16 am
So what I hear you saying is you want the next version to take longer to launch?

(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 17th, 2006 - 01:18 am
yes, i'd like about 12 more extensions to load up, and i was thinking: why stop with having programs load in startup? Why not an Adobe service, so that it's even harder to find and stop?

oh, fuck it. They should just make an acrobat rootkit and be done with it.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)
(no subject) - elo_sf on February 17th, 2006 - 01:20 am
Poet Guypharm1215 on February 17th, 2006 - 01:21 am
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
sublimevisions on February 17th, 2006 - 01:35 am
Acrobat. Shudder...

there is a way to shut all of that off. but even without all of those extensions it still is a memory hog.

Have you tried foxit? It was featured on LifeHacker and is quite lite. I like it so far.

(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 17th, 2006 - 03:19 am

i just got it.

...and i'm in love.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)
allamericanjock on February 17th, 2006 - 03:55 am
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
code_hero on February 17th, 2006 - 07:07 am
Hehe. I laffed.

(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
Paulmadidude04 on February 17th, 2006 - 10:08 am
I LUV U.... I never install the updates... I just hit cancel and am still able to view the PDFs.... I still love you tho... Tehehehe.

<3 Paul
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
ksustud8 on February 17th, 2006 - 03:01 pm
I do agree, my office is totally based on Acrobate and it SUCKS!!!! And I get so anal retentive everytime it pops up the UPDATE bullshit! Ghhharrrrrr!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)
Kyle: Stronggypsy1526 on February 17th, 2006 - 05:37 pm
You RANT like me - i luv it hahaha
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
perrycompositeur on February 17th, 2006 - 08:23 pm
Heheheheheheheh ... u're cute when u're pissed. ;)
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)