August 21st, 2008


What if it's yellow and I don't WANT to let it mellow?

Okay, so I normally put my plastics, glasses, cans, and paper into the blue bin AND walk my batteries over to the hardware store AND bring my decommissioned computers over to the toxic waste dumping place.

But... when my Asian Style Spicy Peanut Vinaigrette Salad Dressing bottle was suddenly empty, I found myself rinsing it off in the sink when it occurred to me that I was wasting water.

Are bottles > water OR water > bottles?!


Divide by zero.

So I just sat in a corner, hugging my reusable Trader Joe's shopping bag, rocking back and forth not knowing what to do. That's when it dawned on me: all this could be solved if we just recall the California National Guard and invade Colorado and make them our water slaves.

Oh, and all you bitches in NorCal just need to start drinking less water. Drink more soda or something. It's good for you. If we could all just make those sacrifices, then, I can go back to rinsing out my salad dressing bottles without guilt.

I'm drunk, and I approve this message.