November 14th, 2006


Gears of Whoa

Driving home on Friday, as I was about to pass Century City mall on my way home, I suddenly decided that I had to have Gears of War. I cut across 4 lanes of Santa Monica Blvd to park at the curb in front, and ran into EB Games and back. I didn't have much time to play this weekend, but enough to scare the shit out of me.

The graphics on the game are the best evar. For whatever reason, I usually play fps games sitting on a stability ball a little over a meter in front of the TV. Our TV is 50", so that seems to give me the best vantage point for seeing what's coming, and the ball allows me to move back and forth as I tend to do while I'm playing.

Anyway, so I was showing a friend the game before we went out. I'm waiting for one of the NPCs to open a door when all of a sudden locusts fall from the ceiling and come at the screen with that awful noise they make. It startled me so much, I shrieked, lost my balance, and fell off the ball onto the floor. That's how crazy good the graphics are. I thought that would be the extent of the scares until I played tonight.

Enter the Berserker.

So I'm playing, having just killed a few locusts when, without warning, this thing that looks like a cross between Skeletor and Ann Coulter busts through the wall with a loud growl. The controller vibrates like mad, and the thing makes some unholy noise as it charges full speed straight at me on the screen. This all happened in like a second. It scared me so much, I seriously just about peed myself. I jumped, screamed like a 12 year old girl, and moved to the side seconds before it splattered my entrails on the screen.

Here's Johnnie!

As soon as my heart starts beating again, I'm going to go change my underwear.