February 13th, 2005

Lick Me, lick

The art of flirting: How big is your cock?

Okay, so I would hardly say I'm naive, innocent, or a prude, but evidentally there are still things that catch me off guard.

Today, walking to the gym, as I'm talking to a friend on the phone, I hear a guy call out to me, "Excuse me. We're conducting a survey." I look over to see two guys, one who might have been kind of cute. One of them asks, "How big is your cock?"

Okay, I admit it. I was caught off guard.

In hindsight, I probably should have had a snappy comeback or just answered them. But I didn't. I think my mouth dropped, and I stumbled over my words to my friend. I really was not expecting that. I'd never been asked that before—outside of the dance floor under the influence of some mind-numbing substance (see: tequilla).

I continued my conversation with my friend briefly, taking a few more steps before apologizing saying, "I'm sorry. Two guys just asked me how big my cock was. It sort of killed my train of thought."

"Oh, they were hitting on you," he replied matter-of-factly.

Okay, now this is a ritual I admit I am awful at. Absolutely horrible. I couldn't flirt my way out of (or into) a Turkish prison.

It's true.

Once I think someone is cute, stupid things fly out of my mouth (or even worse, nothing at all). Sometimes I even just ignore the person. I'm really amazingly bad at it. It never crossed my mind that all I had to do was simply ask, "So, how big is your cock?" I think I'm going to try that. In the middle of a conversation at a party or other gathering, I'm going to say it as plainly and unabashedly as one might ask the weather or the time. If nothing else, the reactions will be priceless. And, who knows, it might even work.
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