I've been bantering with friends, half heartedly, about the California secession. But the thing is, there's a real part of me (about 12.3%) that says LET'S DO IT! Seriously, we have to vote on countless, inane ballot initiatives every year. What about one freeing ourselves from this bloated federal bureaucracy turned theocracy? It won't pass, but it sure will be fun. We've done crazier things, and those turned out all right (hi, Arnold). David, get over it already!
Ahh perhaps. If we'd simply lost an election to another candidate, this would be easier. But this isn't the sort of things that happens all the time. I'm talking about an extremist who has come out and said outright that he is extending his hand only to those who agree with him. We have in office a President who has said he will not represent the entire country, and he's looking at us blue states as he says that! Well, I say if he won't represent us, then we should represent and govern ourselves. If the rest of the nation wants to live under this malevolent version of Wally Beaver, so be it. But this is turning into "Fear Factor," and we want off the island.
FREE THE BEARS!
To those red states, if your morals are truly reflected by the religious right, then I am admitting that we have irreconcilable differences. You should be happy. I'm conceding here. I'm conceding that our morals differ drastically. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that you insist on trying to legislate your morals on me. Considering how much we in California pay out of OUR pockets to fund your little piggy bank versus how little we receive back, I think it only fair that you respect our wishes when we tell you to leave us the fuck alone. But you won't.
Seriously, when Florida was attacked by hurricanes, our blessed tax dollars went to rescue and rebuild your sorry asses. Do you know how many freeways and in ground pools we could have built with that money? And where the fuck were you during our energy crisis a few years ago? Oh yeah, I remember, your President's Texas' oil buddies were sucking us dry, while Bush declared he wasn't going to do one damned thing to help us. Have those Enron assclowns even been brought to justice?
We are the most populous state in the current union (more people here in fact than in all of Canada). In fact, we are the 5th largest economy in the world
.... so SUCK IT
. I don't see why we should be dictated to by fundamentalist Christians who don't share our
values of equality and live and let live.
So... while you live in your bass-ackwards little dream world of no gays, no abortions, no civil rights, gay bashing, minority scapegoating, dying of some disease that might have been cured by stem cell research, living like the Flintstones, we will be right over here, living in luxury from the extra tax base we have, while our lives are extended by the advances of stem cell research, sucking on Janet Jackson's naked teet, sipping on stem cell cocktails, living like the Jetsons and embracing the future. So whine about the evils of Hollywood and immorality, you born again fuckheads. Trust me, we'll cry over the loss of fighting your moral crusade over mojitos at the W, right before I go watch pr0n, and have hot, nasty, butt sex, on the 1,000 count egyptian cotton sheets I will pay for with the money I save in tax dollars that used to get wasted bailing your sorry asses out and building bridges in the middle of butt fuck no where.
So, c'mon my fellow Golden State dwellers! Let's bring on the referendum freeing the Great Republic of California from the Born Again Christian Taliban!
Seriously. Let's be honest: We don't need you, and you don't want us. So we'll just take our unsaved lives and get out of your's. Deal? Hell, you can even send over your blue-voting social liberals and all your homos (especially the cute ones). You're probably ready to be rid of them anyway, and they probably can't wait to get out. C'mon... this is a win-win for everyone!
Support California Independence and cruelty-free candidates! VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wrap myself in the Bear Flag and go watch the episode of "The O.C." I have on TiVo.