February 20th, 2003

HTF - Nutty, hyper, Sugar high

Day after rain

I love the day after it rains! the sky is so clear, and you can see all the way to the snow-capped mountains. weeeeeee
  • Current Mood
    hyper hyper

The Mayan and thoughts

So this past weekend I went to an event at the Mayan. I actually had a pretty good time, all things considered. But at some point I remember looking out over the crowd almost looking down on them. I mean these circuity-type parties are little more than raves for gay people. The only difference is that instead of being 20-something, a large majority of the crowd is older. And I couldn't help but feel some feeling of disdain for it... I just wasn't able to enjoy it at first.

I've been thinking a lot about this... Mainly because, I don't feel that I should look down on a crowd that was just having a good time. Why is it okay for a 21 y/o and not a 50 y/o to be partying like this? Certainly to each his own. I also recall seeing a 70-something y/o man at a desert rave (Dune) some years ago and thinking how cool that was he still was out going to parties and having a good time. So why is this different just because they're gay?

At first I thought it was because this is what I felt I had to look forward to.. that this is what it meant to be gay and older: the same old shit; the same old music; the same old crowd; and the same bitter, jaded queens. But I think I've begun to realize that that's not it. I think I'm afraid that this is all there is. Realistically, I should be okay with people out having a good time. And, perhaps it's actually a good thing to realize that when I'm 40, being gay affords me the freedom to still go out and party on the weekend like a kid. But I just need to know that there's more out there than that. I'm okay with the parties and the fun if there's something more significant and meaningful to look forward to as well.
  • Current Music
    "Landslide" -Smashing Pumpkins