The People's Exhibit A (davidology) wrote,
The People's Exhibit A

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Breaking up

It's over.

Today, my car left me stranded at home—the battery deader than the old pope. I did, however, resist the temptation to club it twice with a heavy mallet.

Just a week ago, I had to take it in because the left wheel was making noises as if it were going to fly off the car. These weren't your normal tire noises (although I just had to have two of those replaced), but more like the noise a monkey might make if you shoved a penguin up his butt. It was of course under warranty and repaired.

This time, however, it made only a couple little electrical spark noises accompanied by a frightening (but interesting) display in the dash. The car has electroluminescent odometers, which, evidently when underpowered, flicker just like the con of the Enterprise when it's under attack. The speedometer would quickly flicker and go out, while you could almost watch the tachometer appear to quickly try to draw itself. They didn't appear to be in sync, and it was as disarming as it was neat (after I realized what was causing that freakish display and "no my car isn't about to blow up.")

I've not been particularly excited about my car lately. This would be the first time that she has left me stranded, of which I am not particularly fond. I think I've realized that a 4-year lease is entirely too long a time to have a relationship with anything—especially a car. Because now the honeymoon is over. She doesn't smell the way she used to, the intoxicating aroma of that new car smell long gong. Then with the shape of our roads after all this rain, I've ridden her hard and put her away wet. And let's face it, the bitch turns like an SUV.

As with any breakup, there are logistics to deal with. We still have to live together until November, but the love is gone. I think I knew that when I had that G35 sedan as a loaner and was disappointed they didn't need to keep mine over the weekend. For the time being, I can only looking longingly at other cars on the road—like the G35 coupe or the Acura TL—and count the days until we go our separate ways, when I'm free to choose another car that will treat me right.

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