I will love him and squeeze him and call him George.
In a recent trip to Expo (basically a Home Depot with a nice floor and people who will help you), we ran across this.
It comes complete with a grip of superfluous lights, and more nozzles than I would know what to do with. Nonetheless, I have to think I would spend countless not-so-lonely nights alone trying to figure it out.
Of course, I didn't actually get it (something tells me it would be ridiculously priced), but we'll be together one day.
You can't stop true love.