Feb. 7th, 2005
TMI, perhaps... but what part?  
I don't know why, but I decided to pass on a Super Bowl party up in the hills. Normally I go, and have a good time. I just wasn't in the mood. I had to wait for the plumber and the manager to fix our clogged sink anyway. Besides, there was another party just two doors down that I would end up not going to as well.

A little time passed, bored (and horny), I chatted up a guy I've chatted with before. Cut to the chase, I went to meet him. I had to park way down the street from his house, so I put on my flashers and met him half way to get the pass. ::sigh of relief:: the pics were him; they were recent; he's cute. We've chatted before, and I know he's not necessarily just into hooking up. He seemed to have a similar attitude I have: not looking for anything in particular; hook ups are fun, but open to consider whatever (if the chemistry is there).

He had a job, a nice pad, cute. One of his pics was of him volunteering for AIDS ride, so he has a social conscience. I feel some chemistry. He definitely seems into me, and likewise, I into him, so I think, "Hmm, I might actually want to save this guy's name in my cell phone instead of pretending to." I could imagine hanging out with him more than once. Could he be dating material?

We have a hot time.


We're done. After a quick shower, and rather suddenly, forget those thoughts before—they're out the window. I can't even fathom where they came from... all I want to do is find the various pieces of my clothing that were flung about the room, pick up some Koo Koo Roo, and go home and watch DS9 by myself. He's still polite, and I'm still polite, but he's as ready to go about the rest of his evening as much as I am, and neither of those plans includes the other.

He drives me to my car; we kiss, say what an amazing time we had, and verify we have each other's number. Who knows if we'll actually talk again, but you almost wonder if women are right about guys: is there something biological that causes us to stop caring the moment we get off. Women joke men want to go to sleep right after. Well, I really wanted dinner and DS9. Not sure if those two things are analogous in some weird way, but what all this makes me realize is that... it's not so much that I'm afraid I'll never find Mr. Right, but that I might actually not want to find him.

I don't know the answer. I'm pretty sure it's not what I want, but clearly there's a part of me somewhere in my subconscious that considers it. The Ambien has hold, so I'm not even sure I'm making sense any more, but... ah fuck it. I'm going to stop typing before I begin imagining the laptop doing weird things, and I start writing a grip of nonsequiturs (assuming I haven't already). ...just thinking out loud.
Mood: contemplative
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D a y s p r i n gsextypeboy on February 7th, 2005 - 09:58 am
I don't know, maybe it's because I haven't had that many hook-ups or what not but when I'm done I could honestly not have a problem is he stayed or if we did something else, or if he left. I don't find it awkward at all. ...But, who knows, maybe I will be in that situation some time.
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:42 am
you know, it wasn't really awkward either as much as expected. It couldn't really have been less awkward since we were both on the same page. It was just interesting (not to mention efficient!)
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nx01deevolution on February 7th, 2005 - 10:17 am
personally, the split second before my orgasm, i'm suddenly over the whole experience.

but i guess i tend to still care.

maybe you just needed to get off, really bad.
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:07 am
i think it's cuz i was thinking of dax the whole time.
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Jean-Baptistexorn on February 7th, 2005 - 10:28 am
Don't feel bad. DS9 rocks pretty hard.
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nx01deevolution on February 7th, 2005 - 10:43 am
who needs sex when you've got major kira?
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(no subject) - xorn on February 7th, 2005 - 07:26 pm
ksustud8 on February 7th, 2005 - 02:17 pm
Dude, I have to say i feel the same way. I tend to be all in it at first then after its all over im ready to help them to the door or leave myself. I hope that someday we will find that hook up that we just dont want to leave, nor do they want to leave, then we just may have something more..... Who knows, live for today!
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:11 am
oh, exactly.. no regrets.

i'm sure if we were on a date prior to that, i might not have been in such a rush, but it makes sense: needs were met, time to get back to friends, food, and TV!
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It Starts Up North In Hollywood...fivebyfive on February 7th, 2005 - 03:50 pm
Is there something biological that causes us to stop caring the moment we get off?

Yes, we stop caring about sex. If you are in it for things other than sex, you'll still care about those things; if you weren't, you don't.
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driftwoodsun on February 8th, 2005 - 01:51 am
I second this, David.

fivebyfive is substantial while being succinct.

And most importantly, he is right.
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(no subject) - fivebyfive on February 8th, 2005 - 09:06 am
(no subject) - davidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:38 am
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 7th, 2005 - 03:52 pm
The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:15 am
very true. It retrospect, farther away from it, it makes perfect sense. At the time, however, I couldn't help but notice the contrast in my mood in just a couple of hours. I tend to (want to) disagree with the idea that if you have sex on the first date you doom any potential relationship. That's totally different from this though. This wasn't a date. Even if it weren't spelled out, we knew we weren't getting together to play video games.
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Jimmyprinceofireland on February 7th, 2005 - 04:03 pm
YOu know I can totally relate with you. Deep down you want to be able to connect with somone to have a lot more then just sex, but timing is never right. However, when is the right time to have more then just sex? At this moment in my life it easier for me to just have hook-up here and there and not have to deal with the drama and stress of finding "THE ONE". Sure aftward it seems meaningless and empty, but they say live for the moment that will get you by until you met destiny....does any of this make sense?
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Buggering the Massesyaksha2 on February 7th, 2005 - 05:21 pm
actually, yes, it IS biological.

welcome to the wonderful world of Prolactin, a chemical released after orgasm that drives the receiever to break away from their partner and get back to work. the moment before orgasm, the brain releases an amazing amount of serotonin. this of course, gives the warm fuzzies and feelings of well being. so we kiss our partner for maybe the next ten seconds, and then prolactin is released. it kills the serotonin high and makes us want to run away. depending on how intimate the sex got, the prolactin could outnumber the serotonin release if the sex was just about the orgasm. this is why holding out on sex makes you want your partner even more, because your body builds up a huge level of serotonin and releases it every time you see your partner.

thank you, brain, for fucking us over big time.
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 7th, 2005 - 05:32 pm
(no subject) - yaksha2 on February 7th, 2005 - 08:48 pm
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 8th, 2005 - 03:31 am
(no subject) - yaksha2 on February 8th, 2005 - 03:56 am
(no subject) - jayessence on February 11th, 2005 - 04:52 am
billyboy15 on February 7th, 2005 - 05:28 pm
I was trying to think of any times I could relate to you, but of all of the hook-ups that came to memory, I didn't get off in any of them. But then I began thinking of the other people involved. . and yeah, pretty much every guy has wanted to get up and leave right after, or has ushered me to the door as soon as they felt it wouldn't be rude. I can only think of one guy who wanted to hang out afterwards, but then ... that's the one situation I can remember wanting to get the hell out of there ASAP.


Wow, this all sucks to think about.
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billyboy15 on February 7th, 2005 - 05:54 pm
Question: What about the hook-ups that don't stop at one orgasm? Like, you go on a date, end up at his place, and hook up that night (orgasm #1). Then, you wake up around 3 a.m., hands start to wander. . (orgasm #2). Then, you wake up around 10 a.m., hands wander again. . . (orgasm #3).

And then you feel the urge to leave. Where's the biological explanation for that?
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Buggering the Massesyaksha2 on February 7th, 2005 - 08:55 pm
well that's why it's an immediate urge. assuming sex is nothing more than a biological drive to procreate, reduce stress, and build nuclear families (those three work for homosexual orientation as well), the immediate and short-term release of prolactin makes sure you get out of bed to finish your bills or take care of your young. if we didn't produce prolactin (and this is verry simplified), the desire to fuck would be overwhelming and potentially hazardous to your health, so the body releases this love-negating chemical.

so when you sleep in between orgasms, or just a break in general, the prolactin chemical dissapates enough so your body can begin releasing pleasure chemicals again. as to why you finally feel the urge after three orgasms, i would postulate that the prolactin levels finally outweigh the pleasure chemicals, but that's just guessing.
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(no subject) - davidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:20 am
(no subject) - yaksha2 on February 8th, 2005 - 02:24 pm
Pon Farrponfarr on February 7th, 2005 - 05:55 pm
Sounds just like my past experiences. Except I didn't care if he had a social conscience as much as if he had a nice cock personality.
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:25 am
heh.. the social conscience only really scores points in the "something more"/dating realm. :-P
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Gantriochgantrioch on February 7th, 2005 - 06:06 pm
I think I asked you a question on this before.

My one, and only :-p, hook-up began with us talking for an hour or so.

Sean and I talk about gadgets and technology and pretty much everything. We're huge dorks.

Maybe you're not easily attached or you want something more substantial? Dunno.
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:27 am
gadgets and technology? I know what you mean... like this.
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eviltickles on February 8th, 2005 - 04:30 am
this will probably go into TMI as well...(but you started it!)
it all makes sense.
this hook-up experience is just like masturbation. before the orgasm, your mind fills with all sorts of scenario. right after cumming, they just stop and all you want to do is clean up and go on with your day.
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cowslayer on February 8th, 2005 - 04:49 am
Well, I'm not sure that you should be too concerned with not necessarily wanting to find Mr.Right but actually figuring out whether you want to find him or not. Societal expectations work on many levels and even though most well adjusted gay men don't care about the "woman+man" expectation anymore, they still hold onto the belief that the way things are supposed to be is to find that soulmate and marry him and spend the rest of your life with him. And that desire is actually as subjective as sexual attraction itself. Some people go through countless divorces until they realize they're really happier on their own. Some people don't think they're the commitment type until one person comes into their lives and changes everything. In essence, you just have to think of what you really want and just act on it. It's the only way to be happy and content.
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Donothannosfosinned on February 8th, 2005 - 08:53 am
Not to say that it can't happen, but it's always struck me as something odd for a relationship to grow out of a hookup. You've gone through some of the necessary motions, and [hopefully] verified they're hot enough to fuck. That's it with pleasantries, you want some ass.

I think the script (read: pre-sexo chat) happens just to ease our conscience a little. Afterall, neither of us goes into it thinking it could be permanent. And after you get your rocks off, well, you came and did what you wanted to... do you really need to stick around?

Maybe I'm just a whore writing this for my own benefit. Or it could just be late.
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on February 8th, 2005 - 10:30 am
I think that's completely right. Looking back on it now, it doesn't seem very odd at all considering we didn't hang out for long (purely pretense) before getting to it. Just at the time, I couldn't help but notice the contrast in feelings in such a short period of time.
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