The way the State of the Union should have gone...
I totally fucked up the country. Thanks to me, we have the worst debt in U.S. history; the dollar continues to slip; relations with our allies are in a horrible state of disrepair; the world doesn't respect us but fears us now; I've sent 1,400 of our brave men & women to their deaths because I perpetuated a lie to Congress and all U.S. citizens. We're going to hell in a handbasket, and it's all my fault. To take focus off it, I'm going to use Americans as a political chew toy and try to amend our nation's most precious document to deny people of basic rights. But you'll blindly support me because I say I praise Jesus, and I hate homos.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
Time: 45 seconds.
If "Alias" is delayed because of that simpleton and his retarded minions bent on destroying our country, I'm gonna be pissed.