Nov. 8th, 2004
If at first you don't secede, try, try again.  
I've been bantering with friends, half heartedly, about the California secession. But the thing is, there's a real part of me (about 12.3%) that says LET'S DO IT! Seriously, we have to vote on countless, inane ballot initiatives every year. What about one freeing ourselves from this bloated federal bureaucracy turned theocracy? It won't pass, but it sure will be fun. We've done crazier things, and those turned out all right (hi, Arnold).

David, get over it already!

Ahh perhaps. If we'd simply lost an election to another candidate, this would be easier. But this isn't the sort of things that happens all the time. I'm talking about an extremist who has come out and said outright that he is extending his hand only to those who agree with him. We have in office a President who has said he will not represent the entire country, and he's looking at us blue states as he says that! Well, I say if he won't represent us, then we should represent and govern ourselves. If the rest of the nation wants to live under this malevolent version of Wally Beaver, so be it. But this is turning into "Fear Factor," and we want off the island.


To those red states, if your morals are truly reflected by the religious right, then I am admitting that we have irreconcilable differences. You should be happy. I'm conceding here. I'm conceding that our morals differ drastically. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that you insist on trying to legislate your morals on me. Considering how much we in California pay out of OUR pockets to fund your little piggy bank versus how little we receive back, I think it only fair that you respect our wishes when we tell you to leave us the fuck alone. But you won't.

Seriously, when Florida was attacked by hurricanes, our blessed tax dollars went to rescue and rebuild your sorry asses. Do you know how many freeways and in ground pools we could have built with that money? And where the fuck were you during our energy crisis a few years ago? Oh yeah, I remember, your President's Texas' oil buddies were sucking us dry, while Bush declared he wasn't going to do one damned thing to help us. Have those Enron assclowns even been brought to justice?

We are the most populous state in the current union (more people here in fact than in all of Canada). In fact, we are the 5th largest economy in the world.... so SUCK IT. I don't see why we should be dictated to by fundamentalist Christians who don't share our values of equality and live and let live.

So... while you live in your bass-ackwards little dream world of no gays, no abortions, no civil rights, gay bashing, minority scapegoating, dying of some disease that might have been cured by stem cell research, living like the Flintstones, we will be right over here, living in luxury from the extra tax base we have, while our lives are extended by the advances of stem cell research, sucking on Janet Jackson's naked teet, sipping on stem cell cocktails, living like the Jetsons and embracing the future. So whine about the evils of Hollywood and immorality, you born again fuckheads. Trust me, we'll cry over the loss of fighting your moral crusade over mojitos at the W, right before I go watch pr0n, and have hot, nasty, butt sex, on the 1,000 count egyptian cotton sheets I will pay for with the money I save in tax dollars that used to get wasted bailing your sorry asses out and building bridges in the middle of butt fuck no where.

So, c'mon my fellow Golden State dwellers! Let's bring on the referendum freeing the Great Republic of California from the Born Again Christian Taliban!

Seriously. Let's be honest: We don't need you, and you don't want us. So we'll just take our unsaved lives and get out of your's. Deal? Hell, you can even send over your blue-voting social liberals and all your homos (especially the cute ones). You're probably ready to be rid of them anyway, and they probably can't wait to get out. C'mon... this is a win-win for everyone!

Support California Independence and cruelty-free candidates! VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wrap myself in the Bear Flag and go watch the episode of "The O.C." I have on TiVo.
Mood: silly
Listening to: Phantom Planet - California
( Post a new comment )
ex_prezrober685 on November 8th, 2004 - 06:46 pm
The South tried that once...

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billyboy15 on November 8th, 2004 - 07:16 pm
Yeah. In reality, the North should've just let those bastards leave, and then they would've just had the slaves to impose their morals on.
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The People's Exhibit A: fabulousdavidology on November 8th, 2004 - 08:57 pm
but they weren't nearly as FAB- *snap* -U- *snap* -LOUS! *snap*
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Gantriochgantrioch on November 8th, 2004 - 07:00 pm
I've been saying for years that the South should secede. But not the Midwest. We need their corn and wheat ;-).
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The People's Exhibit A: hyperdavidology on November 8th, 2004 - 08:56 pm
meh... we got farmers somewhere in the state. I've seen cows on the freeway on the way to NorCal. I think we're covered. We might need to annex parts of Colorado for their our water though.

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donovand on November 8th, 2004 - 09:03 pm
we are the largest agriculture producer in our soon to be former country... $18 billion a year.

if nothing else, maybe those little fucks will learn not to bite the hand that feeds them.
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Gantriochgantrioch on November 8th, 2004 - 09:19 pm
I'm saying the Northeast, Great Lakes, and West Coast probably can't grow enough for our needs. I'm not sure though.

And we should keep Indiana for the pigs. Mmmmmm, bacon.
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on November 8th, 2004 - 10:15 pm

We'll sizzlelean.
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Gres02gres02 on November 9th, 2004 - 04:48 am
I think we could still trade with the south.
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Gantriochgantrioch on November 9th, 2004 - 09:08 am
I can't think of anything that I'd need from them, although I'm sure that there's lots of stuff which isn't coming to mind.
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on November 9th, 2004 - 12:38 pm
well, if we can trade their blue people for our red ones, I'll go for that.
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Josephchemology on November 8th, 2004 - 07:26 pm
I am so with you! Let me grab my musket and bayonet and I'll meet you for cocktails. We'll discuss strategy.
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The People's Exhibit A: cheersdavidology on November 8th, 2004 - 08:57 pm
YES! Name your poison... RBVs or Mojitos? Perhaps I'll share my 99 Bananas.
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Blissfully Aware: Collateralkerfect on November 8th, 2004 - 09:01 pm
damn, i've been saying that for years! now if only they'd take the governator back with them...
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on November 8th, 2004 - 10:15 pm
we might need him to beat up the people who come after us.
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Donothan: Antiquesnosfosinned on November 9th, 2004 - 12:33 am
While this is quite the well written post (actually allmost of them are), my tired mind centered on only one thing (really, a multiple of one):

...right before I go watch pr0n, and have hot, nasty, butt sex, on the 1,000 count egyptian cotton sheets... remind me that I'm very horny and need to be bent over and taken. right. Now.

Shame on... someone (I guess).
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driftwoodsun on November 9th, 2004 - 01:52 am

Blue States stick together!

If you go, we all go!
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The People's Exhibit Adavidology on November 9th, 2004 - 12:36 pm
If you have water, you're in. I'd rather not drink water tainted by Peter Coors and George Bush supporters.
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Gres02gres02 on November 9th, 2004 - 04:51 am
But let's take WA OR and the entire NE. Oh, and...DC, I mean Kerry did win it 91% to 9%. I wonder. I would bet that we would still end up a super power while the south and midwest would be consigned to a role in the world with less influence than Canada.

I am all for it.
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The People's Exhibit A: californiadavidology on November 9th, 2004 - 12:52 pm
I agree. All the educated people would come our way. They'd be left with a pretty vapid think tank... more of a think tricycle.

Perhaps we could make them our slaves. I'm opposed to slavery by race, ethnicity, etc, but if it were done by IQ.... we could call them our bitches.
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) on November 9th, 2004 - 07:30 am
The People's Exhibit Adavidology on November 9th, 2004 - 12:37 pm
our's are prettier.
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) on November 9th, 2004 - 08:51 am
The People's Exhibit Adavidology on November 9th, 2004 - 12:37 pm
yeah but those red spots are in the places no one wants to live. they have like 5 people and 20 cows each!
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Pon Farrponfarr on November 10th, 2004 - 03:08 pm
You make me think of Christian Exodus, minus the right-wing religious conservatism. Yes, I read Fox News online because it is so very fair and balanced.
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Desidonodesidono on November 18th, 2004 - 10:50 am
In 2002, California, by itself, was the world's fifth-largest economy.

Pretty impressive.
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The People's Exhibit A: hyperdavidology on November 18th, 2004 - 10:36 pm
we rox0rs.
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