Problem is, Jesus had a dozen sycophant yes-men running around singing his praises and writing books and shit. I don't have that, so I'm going to need more proof than an old book filled with a bunch of contradictory stories that some douche bag called the word of god, right? So I need someone who goes to church to get me one of those Christ Crackers so I can get a DNA sample.
But if I do turn out to be the son of God, seriously, party at my pad. And if you're good, maybe I'll let you lie on my bed, bite the pillow, and I'll show you God.
The gospel according to Davidology.